My Chamios is Wet!

The upside of being stupid is that it typically gives you great material to write about. If you can't make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of? The 'being stupid' part just makes it that much easier. And, yes, you are correct, really there are many sources of good material. But that's for another time. This time is about me and my general stupidity despite a valid attempt at preparedness. Really.

Friday (the 18th) I'm sure you took the opportunity to read my Not Quite Bi-Weekly Ride Route Rant. This was my 2nd Ride Route Rant (1st one is here) and unfortunately just became the 2nd Ride following a Route Rant that, I've, um, missed.* (me & stupid, together again)

But you're still giving me the benefit of the doubt, right? Come on, pretend at least until you hear my excuses. And those excuses will prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, the level of my stupidity or at least perhaps the level of my ineptitude on Saturday mornings in preparing for the weekly sufferfest. Perhaps it's even a Freudian thing? But haven't they pretty well disproved everything Freudian? Oh well... On to the excuses.

Several weeks ago after Route Rant 1 I over slept. I woke up 5 minutes before ride route departure time. I never sleep till 9am. Technically I didn't sleep till 9am that time either, it was really 8:55. But still, by the time you pull out those bike shorts and get that chamois cream in place (very critical for comfort, see my chamois review), fill a couple of water bottles, check tire pressure, put your helmet (and helmet undergarment if you're bald like me) on, be sure the Lycra is lined up properly, not to mention ride to the shop... well, 5 minutes just is not enough time.

I suppose I could blame the guy who planned that week's ride for starting at 9 and not at 9:30 but I think that would just be plain unfair. We always ride at 9. Always, unless you go on the 8am ride, which I had clearly missed by about 55 minutes, plus prep (chamois cream application) time.

Excuse 1 - over slept.

Now. About this latest incident. Let's begin with the latest Route Rant. The one from the day before this latest excuse production event where not only did I rant, but I turned the other cheek (no, not the one with chamois cream applied) and proposed a solution to the problem presented by the routing of the ITT (see the route rant epic novel for an explanation of an ITT) in which the routing did not connect in any way to the location of the weekly Saturday Morning 9am Bikery ride starting location (The Bikery in Stillwater MN). And I solved that problem! Nailed it! I ride routed! We had a route to ride! And no one, even me, ranted about the route to ride on Saturday June 19, 2010.

Now to excuse 2 unfolding:

25 minutes till ride time. I've been up since 7am (none of that over sleeping nonsense!). Plenty of time for ride prep and a touch more coffee on the way out the door. And I consider, carefully: 'Is my kit** upstairs (close to the chamois cream) or downstairs. 'Hmmm*** the kit must be hanging up downstairs as I washed it Wednesday after my ride.' And with a bit less 'caring', I think, 'Hmmm... yes, it is downstairs' (I'm now in the laundry facility/mud room) and notice no bike kit** hanging. 'Hmmm' I think.

I then take a quick peak in the washer. I think in way that could best be described as a car slamming into a brick wall at about 75mph 'Hmmm, there is bike gear in the washer, and that bike gear is wet. I recently not only ride ranted but I missed the last ride I spent time ranting about the ride.'

Now, please take a moment to reflect on my recent chamois review that was written partially to help you understand the importance of a great chamois and partly to get me gig reviewing bike clothes for velogear.com****. Back to reflection. A chamois should be comfortable. And, despite the application of chamois cream, generally dry when you depart. Mine was not. At all.

Excuse 2: My gear is wet.

Panic.

2 Ride Rants. 2 Rides missed. This is not going to be good.

Phone call: 'I'll catch up!' I say to my buddy. ('Yeah, like that'll happen' thinks the group at the shop waiting for the ride router/ranter to show up as he's always the guy we drop.)

See the conundrum? (I love the word conundrum. Say it slowly c o n u n d r um. And don't miss the 'un' in front of the drum. Ahhh. It just feels good to say it...)

2 Rants. 2 missed rides. l o n g. d r a w n. o u t. s i g h. Here we go again. The crap I am about to receive, while very well deserved, will be immense. If not immense, it is just a bike club after all, at least large.

Wait!

Return call... from my motivator that I'll simply call 'Thunder'. Thunder says: 'Just put them on and go.'

'Hmmm I think. That's not a bad idea!' And by now they've been in the dryer for a few moments. And while damp, it's a warm damp, if you know what I mean. You could take a break here and experiment. But, I don't think it's that unique of an experience that you need to try warm and damp on tight clingy (to your butt) clothes.

In any case, we met the crew. Some well deserved crap, less than what I would have expected should I have missed this adventure, was handed to me.

A young punk did ask if any of us 'older gentlemen' needed to pee before we continued ride... and ride we did.

And the final ride report, from my friend 'Thunder' went like this (It's true, some can say much with few words. I can't.)

June 19, 2010 Bikery Ride Report:

hmm, my notes are a bit smudged...can't make out the name...rats. Oh well, I'll keep better notes next week.

Ok, Ok, it was Tim T., or Otto as he's now known. Otto, as in the school bus driver in the Simpson's, because, in Mr. Trissler's own words: "I'm like a bus driver because I keep taking you all to school!!".

Which was surprising to us on the ride because Tim is never one to blow his own horn. Well, buses have big horns, so Otto it is.

By the way, I read that today's stage in the Tour of Suisse was delayed as the race leader's shorts were still had 20 minutes to go in the dryer. It happens, eh Sully?

Brian

Ride Well,

Sully

*This changed to nearly missed! Great groups bail you out - even when you R the moron! I love my club!

** Kit: A very Eurpoean way to refer to your uniform. As in 'The US Soccer team, despite the fact they can't beat anyone at the World Cup, has great looking kit!'.

*** I start all thoughts with 'Hmmmm'.

**** Sorry. Cheap plug. But I'm not yet a reviewer but I'm also not not a reviewer yet.