The Fall Ride Process

(Please note - this missive was written before the advent of the "Fat Bike". Oh how life has changed!)

In the midwest of the United States, Minnesota to be more precise, the cycling season is winding down. The leaves are falling from the trees, the days are getting chilly, if not downright cold. It is the time of year that the local bike clubs face the challenge of riding the regularly scheduled weekly ride with less than ideal conditions. What follows is an accounting of one group’s effort to determine when their normally scheduled 9am Saturday ride will happen and a report of the ride.

The process begins with someone looking at the weather forecast for Saturday. We all try not to look. But you just can not turn away. And then this then appears in everyone’s inbox:

“Hi All,

Who'd like to saddle up this weekend?

It might make sense to ride later on Saturday for more favorable temps.

Thoughts?”

He said it: “Thoughts”. And the floodgates open. To avoid making this short story not so short I’ll skip the details, but, after 4 more emails, including 1 from our fearless president, the 9am Saturday ride was still on for Saturday at 9am.

I know, I know, I too am thinking: Facts can often be unsettling, especially when they meet expectations.

But what exactly is an expectation? I will explain before we deliver the ride report. Follow along: "Each and every Saturday there will be a bicycle ride at 9am. Many will suffer. Some will be dropped." This is the expectation. It has been set by the club. It is on a web site.

The Proof:

If it is Saturday.

AND

It is 9am

There will be a bike ride.

At this point you may have the following thought:

It is Thursday.

AND

It is not 9am.

Will there be a bike ride at Saturday beginning at 9am?

Yes. There will be a ride at Saturday at 9am.

Probably.

(Now it gets complicated. Please, follow along. I’m struggling to follow this and I am doing the “writing”. But I have hope for us both.)

There it is: Probably.

Because it is Fall. And among us “hearty” Minnesotans there lies the pouty, not happy to be cold riders who will start a chain of emails with something like:

"Weather Sucks, I'm pouty, Can we ride later". (I will grant you that it’s  true it is usually me being the pouty one, especially when it comes to it being cold. I hate thinking while I am sitting behind the handlebars towing the group along, you know: pulling, into a headwind only to be dropped later and freezing body parts I’d forgotten I have that once again "I am cold and I miss July." Really, I hate having that stuck in my head as I pedal. Really. .

That is the pouter. And it is them that starts this chain of emails.

And as I couldn't actually be there for this ride I'll break down what went down on the ride as I was able to get a great sense of the riders who were going to show up and ride the ride at 9am on Saturday that I am able to put together how it did go down.  

What's odd is this time, the decision to ride the ride at the normal 9am Saturday time of the ride only took 5 emails to arrive at the decision that the ride would be ridden at the time is was scheduled to be ridden at. Amazing.

(Maybe it's good I didn't jump into the email conversation and add more pout to the emails working on a decision to ride at the ride time? Rhetorical question, just answer in your head and move on.)

Recap: Ride planned. Starting at 9am, Saturday. Really.

RIDE REPORT

The ride began on a chilly Saturday morning in late October. A small group of hearty Chillikootians (a moniker for our bike club’s members) gathered inside the shop/cafe, the smell of fresh coffee, sweet baked goods, and outstanding omelets in the air. It was warm. Very warm.

Outside, the wind blew. Hard. And the team knew that starting this ride later, like in June of 2014, would have been a better idea. But no one says that. Because, as The President said in email number 4 of the five sent  in the above mentioned emailing decision making chain about riding on Saturday at 9am: "We will be staying warm because of our excellent clothing!"

The riders slowly wander outside and someone brings up the elephant in the room: "Anyone have a route?"

They look around. Silence. Question Answered: "No. No one does."

And they run back into the warmth of the shop to gaze upon the route map that hangs on the wall.

"We should go out into the wind."

"Wind, come on you babies! Let's ride into it both ways!"

"Yeah, into the wind. I like that idea. I've never heard that idea before. That's a keen idea."

"Oh right on! We'll let it BLOW US HOME!".

"Anyone want more coffee?"

"I have to go to the bathroom before we head out."

Another rider rolls in... "Hey team! Thanks for waiting for me! What time are we riding today?"

5 minutes pass. Several riders come to blows over the route out of town.

10 minutes...

15 minutes...

"Yeah, heck. Let's go. Is he out of the toilet yet?"

And they slowly wander back out to the bikes. Water bottles are checked for ice.

One rider tips over as her quickly freezing toes can't detect their high performance, carbon soled, super high energy returning bike shoe locking into the titanium pedal.

But hey, we've all done that, right?

Everyone says: "We're laughing with you!" (and in our heads we are just damn glad that wasn't us and it really wasn't me because I wasn't there, but, does this story ever go down differently?).

And away they go.

Into the wind. The group of 5 feet 6 inch riders look around for the big guys. Those over 6 feet, even approaching 6 feet and 4 inches and with a mass over 200 pounds that they could hide behind because riding into this wind is miserable. Awful. Cold.

They think "How will I drop the people who pulled early if I'm pulling early into this hurricane force wind?"

(Your author, is SO ENJOYING this scene! Your author is one of those big guys who mysteriously often finds himself put upon the front by those little riders who giggle about being sucked along in the big guy’s wake. See how us big guys feel now you short, light, fast, well conditioned riders! HA!)

They go up a hill here. Another hill there. They coast down into the face of the wind. Missing those big bodies on the front. Those shorties actually have to work for the first half of the ride. This is all new. They mumble to one another "This is hard. I've never ridden a whole ride before.".

And as they turn for home, with no one but themselves to drop, it becomes a game of attrition. One by one they begin to fall behind. Dropping off the back like ladybugs falling off the screen as the first frost of fall settles in. Never pretty for anyone, either sight. But the result of riding the full ride, riding into the wind like they've never done before: pain and suffering.

As they ride with the wind… someone makes a move for stop ahead sprint. (Always easy with a tail wind. Why now?) And no one goes along. An arm wave to signify a "victory".

No one celebrates beyond the “victor”. A few smile knowingly, they would've gone, if only the big guys had shown up to pull them for the first half of the ride, but they didn't show up so now the shorties do not sprint. They are tired.

How do those big guys do it?

And the team rolls back into the shop. More reflective than normal, and not just because of the fancy cycling clothes with reflective strips that help cars to see them, but instead a more introspective reflectiveness. They are thinking about missing the big guys, the work they do, the burden they must carry, on a windy, a chilly, a fall day, a day that the 9am ride was ridden at, almost, 9am.

Oh to be a big guy. They are our heroes.

"When I grow up I want to be a big guy and pull the group. That's where the heart is."

If you enjoyed this story, you can see others on this 'blog' and over here on our Club Website.

If you live in the Stillwater Area, you can find out more info about our club here.

Appearance of the Cyclist

What follows is a narrative describing the reality for those not of the cycling community when a rider, a cyclist, sometimes one “lovingly” called “Lance Armstrong” from the window of passing car emerges from home to depart on a ride. I will warn you this story is not pretty. But when worlds collide is it ever pretty?

We join our rider preparing for au courant adventure. Our friend, our cyclist, hero not being too strong a word in the mind of the author to describe the rider, steps into the garage from the house. Our rider is outfitted in his finest riding attire, or at least what is clean. He is equipped to cool effectively and to avoid any and hopefully all chafing. Chafing is awful. Chafing is probably something we should talk about some other time. But not today.

The point is that the rider, our hero in this writer’s small mind, epitomizes everything that says “middle aged cyclist”. 

I warned you this would not be pretty.

Down the driveway and across the street from this event the bargain hunters have swooped in for the deals that are only found on the final day of the great Minnesota garage sale. Your author doesn't need to point out that the situation that lies in front of of us is volatile. Quite volatile! But our author does point it out, just to be safe.

Onward…

The cyclist, as he enters the garage, reaches and hits the glowing button that makes the heavy door rise. No ordinary garage door, this door is built to protect both his bikes and his lawn tools! An important door it is.

The unsuspecting garage salers across the way suddenly sense their world changing. Their heads spin at the sound of the mighty door rising. The quicker witted among them immediately avert their eyes and rush their young ones into the waiting vehicles. It is heard over the breeze “Johnny! Look away! To the car! To the car!”

The not so quick witted are transfixed. They can not avert. They find it impossible to look away. Their jaws begin to drop against their will as the stalwart door rises and the vision of the cyclist starts to appear before them.

The door is 1 inch in the air, followed shortly by being 2 inches in the air. Now the door has risen nearly a foot.

“Feet? Shoes? What is that… WHAT ARE THEY?”

They are shoes that go “clicky clackey, clicky clackey”' as the rider moves across the concrete floor to the bike. A truly amazing machine that bike. Fast. Potent. (The bike, not the shoes.)

The garage saler’s heads are whirling with thoughts. “Black shoes? Really? Is this person about to mow?  Are those,” with a pause, “ankle socks?”, (which despite their name expose the cyclists ankles to wind and sun.)

“Really? Black shoes? Ankle socks? What is UPON US!“

The garage salers feel the knot of nausea rise in their stomach. A general unease sweeps the crowd of 4 near the free box at the garage sale.

“This will not end well” scurries through their minds, once such happy minds.

“This. Will. Not. End. Well.”

The door continues it’s steely rise: 2 feet in the air now. Nearly 3 feet the fortress entry gate passes as it continues to rise.

"That glimmer. What… oh no. Are those SHAVED LEGS!?!?"

Another garage saler is heard to murmur without any sense of emotion "They are. They really are."

A taste a vomit rises in the throats of the onlookers.

“Make. It. Stop!”

But wait! What next? Is that Lycra? Black Lycra with an antimicrobial chamois offering chafe-free comfort on that long ride? The gag reflex of the onlookers is in full force. Splatters of that morning’s blueberry pancakes now begin to appear on the driveway of the great Minnesota garage sale that had, until now, been a happy place. The free box is ruined.

“What next?”

“What does that ‘shirt say’? ‘Chilkoot Cycling’? What the hell is Chilkoot Cycling? Isn’t that man a grown up? What is this costume?”

Red. And Gray. And more black! What is WITH THE BLACK!

Our hero swings his right leg across the top bar.

Water bottles in their place he clicks into the right pedal with a sound “click”. His smart phone is fished from a rear pocket of his costume, his cycling app of choice is started as he must have proper wattage figures to examine current power to weight ratios. With phone replaced in it’s proper pocket of the jersey, the garage door reverses course with the entry of the top secret code into the magic box and the push of button.

A half turn of the pedals follow as the mighty door descends to protect the remaining cycles and the lawn tools that shall go unused again as a nap will be required after the day’s efforts are complete. Our cyclist clips into the left pedal as he descends the drive, looking both ways to avoid the cars that inexplicably are racing from his neighborhood in all directions. Our hero, unaware of the scene that just unfolded across the way thinks to himself “Damn garage salers, this is a neighborhood! Slow down!”  as he heads off to the bike shop to begin the days suffering.

If you didn't hate this story too much, look for more of my stories over at Chilkoot Velo. I've just recently started cross posting back here at ole ArgonEighteen so I can allow comments more easily.

Advice on Taking Advice

In all groups there are those who like to offer advice*. In the cycling community which I participate I would dare to suggest that the percentage of advice offerers is high when compared to other groups of folks who gather together in a common cause such as work or family reunions. Ok, you are correct, we won't  bring family reunions into this. 

Advice

Generally unsolicited. Offered to help. Loosely based on YouTube videos, Facebook ads, and sketchy late night web surfing. Advice can be cloaked as instruction and will arrive in many forms but is always meant to help the receiver to improve something. The advise giver (usually) means well but often the delivery is, being kind, awkward. 

Some simple examples... 

Perhaps about your pedaling form:

• "Use a lower gear, spin faster!"
• "Use a bigger gear, grind it out!" 

Perhaps on your climbing: 

• "You need to stand up more." 
• "You stand up too often, you'll tire too quickly." 

Perhaps flat prevention and ride comfort: 

• "You should run your tires at 125psi to prevent flats."
• "You should run your tires at 90psi to prevent flats." 

Perhaps on determining if the weather will be ok to ride in:

• "WeatherSpark is amazing! Best radar on the web."
• "Would Eddy Merckx worry about the weather?"

All kind words, words designed to help you, the receiver of the advice improve. But when you go to apply the advice and spend half your ride standing and spinning in a lower gear riding on 47psi and the other half sitting and grinding that 53x13 up Mt. SugarBrush on 93.5psi all you really gain are are tired quads, a sore butt, a sore arm from pumping up your tires and another day when you get dropped. 

I'm here today to offer you sage advice on how to pick from whom you will take advice. I'll let you decide, once you've read this, if you should take this advice but I believe you'll say, "YES! Best advice ever. But Sully, you should get some advice on laying out a blog." And I would take that advice! But I digress. This is about helping you, not me. 

You know what makes this advice so credible? The fact I'm not explaining to you on how to ride faster and look good doing it. You'll see as we move through this sage advice that it is true I don't meet the criteria to give cycling advice, well, maybe I do when it comes to tire pressure, but not on cadenance, gear ratios, or climbing style**. But you will find that the advice I offer is good advice on taking advice. Probably. I still need to get this story out of my head and into this document and during that process I often spill a few words on the floor and the meaning is lost or the point evolves. 

But not today! No. For I am upon vacation and upon vacation I can think clearly***! I have ridden my bicycle 3 days in a row which gives me the opportunity to let the words gather within my head and now is the time to spill them. Some might say vomit. 

Today is a day of word spillage regarding who you take advice from when it comes to cycling. I will put a caveat upon that: that is what the unformed words in my head look like before they land in this page. You might say the words currently lay naked and I am about to clothe them for you, my friend! (Or, you probably wouldn't say that.) 

We begin the criteria that you should apply with examples to help illustrate the necessary benchmarks for you to make a wise decision in your selection of advice givers from whom you will listen instead of nodding your head politely and hoping they will just go away. Or at least a decision that once you've made it you'll know why everyone else is laughing at you, I mean, with you. 

Adviser Giver Selection Criteria

1. What sort of Beer do they consume and how do they go about opening it? 

Notice in the picture the use of a Park Tool BO-3. Clearly this indicates this is an individual who not only takes their rehydration strategy very seriously they also use only the best tools. A Surly Furious and a BO-3 to open it is a SUPER POSITIVE sign this guy knows what he's doing! 

It really shows nothing regarding how good his cycling advice might be, but any photo with beer and bike tools has to be included. 

We award +1 on the "Take advice from this person" scale.

2. Do their socks match their bike? 

Clearly this rider is one who cares about details. Notice that both the "Right Sock" and the "Left Sock" match the "Frame". Not only that but if you zoom in and really look carefully (put those bifocals on) you can see the leg stockings are no ordinary pair of leg stockings, those are compression socks! Clearly this guy is one whom if he/she chooses to offer you advice on your choice of socks for the days ride you should listen! 

We award +.5 on the "Take advice from this person" scale.

I'm going to pause here for a moment to allow that those of you reading this who are not professional cyclists like me can still use this advice giver selection criteria in your everyday life. The tips I offer here can be applied to any line of activity. Beer? Socks? You need these nearly everywhere you go. The key for you, you non-cyclist, is the attention to detail that these experts show in all they do.  And you should apply that criteria for selection of your advisors. 

At this point you are likely thinking, besides "Why am I reading this drivel?" that "This adviser advise is supposed to involve bikes, where are the bikes? This is about cycling! Get to the bike part!". 

So here we go. The nitty gritty on choosing your advice giver. 

3. A Bike. 

This picture speaks for itself. Just say no. 1 wheel? Really? Clearly a single speed which denotes "cool" in some circles. We, however, are not in search of cool. We are looking for a Professional, an Expert, well conceived advice givers! And this guy, whoever he is, ain't one of them. 

Honestly, maybe he is. I don't know. But I really needed a way to work a picture of that unicycle into the story. Pretty cool! 

Onward... 







3. The Bike. 

The bike is the key. It really is About the Bike.  The bike will be your guide. Is this person legit? Is this someone that when they explain to me that running tire pressure between 34 and 36 psi on the Cross Bike when running tubeless is really something I should pay attention to? (I will let you define your own analogy if you are a non-cyclist). 

Lets look over this crime scene. First - how about that helmet hanger? Clearly this individual thinks outside the box, is inventive, and just does not go with the norm. Wow. This is a huge +1 on the "Take advice from this person" scale. In fact, let's go +1.5! 

Next - A subtle tip of the hat to the greatest bike race in the world - notice that yellow water bottle holder. Get it? The same color as the leaders jersey in the Tour de France! Who ever this is must have it going on. Out of the box thinker who gets the best race of the season? Another +1 on the "Take advice from this person" scale. How many points is that already? I can't even count that high, well, at least not when I'm on vacation and frankly bored with the points. 

Continuing with the bike, from another angle. 
We'll begin with the trunk. A rider with a trunk indicates an individual...

Ah... never mind. We'll ignore the trunk. Everyone has a fault, right? Even an advice giver? 

But let's return to the Yellow and paying homage to the Tour de France. Not only is the water bottle holder yellow, but take note of the way the bike was parked with the yellow flowers to accentuate the yellow of the bike. Such a subtle touch indicates one who has a large attention to detail! And when seeking advice givers I would suggest that you put high merit on their ability to seek out fine details and weigh those against the problem you very likely did not ask for advice on. 

Really? Who ever asks for advice on tire pressure? You are correct - I know that person too. What normal person ever asks for advice on tire pressure? 

Onward! 

I think at this point you now have a good base of sample criteria to work out from whom you should solicit and take advice. Clearly I am one. But with the above you now have what you need for a solid start when I am not available, like when I've been dropped. 

But please, let the author know if you need more, he's happy to provide it, but only when asked. A good advisor knows when to say when. 

Right? 




If you have any other interest in crap like you just finished reading, or skipped past the end just to say you got to the last line, view some of ArgonEighteen's aka Sully aka Sutcliffe other  'Advice'  over at Chilkoot Velo where our hero (me) is often off the back. 

* One great example of Advice I offered can be found here. It is THE KEY to boosting performance! 

** I will forever deny this in every other story I contrive, at least when it suits the story. 

*** I am prone to the unsubstantiated grand statement when I "write".